Been a long time...

Darling Little One, I am sorry it has been a long time since I wrote to you. It is not always easy to write, and whilst I feel guilty about not writing, I have been thinking about you all the time. In fact thinking is all I ever do. I am getting to a bit of a quandry and am going to explain this to you. I want to see you. This is not going to make your mum or dad happy. I think I will know if I can see you and I suspect I am not going to get the paternity test that I want. This, of course, runs the risk of alienating your mum, but I just do not know what else to do. This is tearing me up inside and I need to sort myself out sooner or later. What I do not want is to be in doubt for the rest of my life, never knowing if there is some chance that you might turn up and say - 'Hey I'm your son'. I can deal with the doubt if I know the truth, or at least I can deal with it better. So this is what I have been thinking of. It was your mum's birthday the other day and I managed to resist sending her a card. I wanted to of course but I didn't. Goodness only knows what will happen when I want to send you cards and presents. Won't be allowed of course. This is not a good situation my darling, but at least you will be born and be the best thing in all our lives. Love always xx

New year resolutions

Darling Little One, I don't usually believe in New Year resolutions but this year I have you to think of. So in order to prolong my life and therefore increase the probability of being in your life, I have decided to do the following: Give up smoking (Jan 23rd) Get fitter (already started with Yoga and exercise) Lose another two stone (lost two stone in 2008). All of these things will add to my life expectancy. You are a great motivation to me and you are truly the best thing that ever happened to me. I hope that I will get to see you someday. Love always xxx