Biological Father vs Real Father

Darling little one, I have been thinking about this long and hard. As I think you realise, I do not and would not want ever to usurp your real dad as a father figure. What is more difficult is what right I have to be part of your life. I am seeking legal advice on this because I cannot get past the fact that I do want to be there for you. This is a very difficult decision for me, as it really goes against my ethics. Firstly you need to be with your mum. Secondly you deserve the best shot at happiness. Thirdly this is going to hurt everyone involved. But equally I believe that the truth is the most important thing in the world. I believe that it is your right to know your heritage and it is my duty to ensure that if you do have a wider family, that you have access to it. I have no idea how to address this problem. In a normal circumstance I would just talk to your mum about it, but of course that is not really possible - we have not communicated since November. I have no intention of making things difficult, but equally I do not know how to get round the problem. I would never try and demonstrate that your dad is anything but your primary care provider i.e. your dad, but at the same time if you are mine, you have a big family who will love you and be there for you. I wish I could ask you what you want. I love you. Otherwise I would not even consider this. Love always. xxx

You seem further away than ever

My darling child, I am realising that I am less and less likely to see you, especially as your mum will not even tell me how she is let alone you. I have come to accept that she does not want me around you, but it still hurts. As you know I am looking after your cousins, and it is such a joy. God how I envy your mum and dad. Only a few days of parental care and I just feel so different about life. It is hard, of course, but rewarding, helping them, enjoying life and even the arguements! If only I got to do this with you. But it is not to be, and I am now truly letting go of your mum. I tried, but it is not what she wants and I have to deal with that, and I cannot drive her away otherwise there will be even less chance than the miniscule one that remains that I even get to see you. Maybe one day we will get to talk about all this. I love you.