You seem further away than ever

My darling child, I am realising that I am less and less likely to see you, especially as your mum will not even tell me how she is let alone you. I have come to accept that she does not want me around you, but it still hurts. As you know I am looking after your cousins, and it is such a joy. God how I envy your mum and dad. Only a few days of parental care and I just feel so different about life. It is hard, of course, but rewarding, helping them, enjoying life and even the arguements! If only I got to do this with you. But it is not to be, and I am now truly letting go of your mum. I tried, but it is not what she wants and I have to deal with that, and I cannot drive her away otherwise there will be even less chance than the miniscule one that remains that I even get to see you. Maybe one day we will get to talk about all this. I love you.