First words...

My child, If you are reading this it is probable that a DNA test has shown that I am your father. I am sorry that you do not know me. It is not how I would have wanted it. At the moment you are inside your mother, 13 weeks into the pregnancy. I have not seen your scan, I have been told that I will not be part of your life, as your mum and dad wish to raise you as their own. I do not even truly know if you are mine. But I love you more than anything else in the world. I have decided to keep this blog in case you want to know about me and my feelings for you. Your mum and dad have looked after you. I made a decision not to try and gain access or interfere although I wanted to more than you will ever know. I have a lot of time for your mother. She is a wonderful woman. We were together for a short time during a period of weakness and difficulty. I miss her everyday at the moment. Your father is a good man. He took you on not knowing whether you were his or mine. It takes a big man to do that. Sir Isaac Newton said, "If I seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." He recognised the part that others had in his achievement. I hope that you realise that everything you are is because you have been standing on the shoulders of your mum and dad. I bear them no malice for keeping me from you. I would have given anything for you to be in my life, but you needed your mum and she needed him more than she needed me. These decisions are difficult, and I hope that you never have to make them yourself. I can barely look at myself because of the guilt that I feel for abandoning you, and you are not even born yet. I truly believe that you are my child. The dates seem to suggest it, but I have to bury those feelings. The problem is I also have a wife, who I love dearly. We have a special relationship, that I cannot tell you about at this moment, but it allows us to see other people. We cannot have children and I had given up hope. If your parents had not wanted you, we would have taken you in and raised you as ours, with your mother being able to see you whenever she wanted. Instead I have to do deal with the fact that you are going to be someone else's child. And I have to look after my wife. I am here for your mother now, and will always be there for you, she knows that. But at the moment I cannot see me being part of your life. I wish I could. I love you.