Your scan

I have just seen your scan! Your mother was so kind and sent it to me. You are so lovely and I am so happy but crying at the same time. This is even harder than I thought it would be. She is convinced that you are a boy, and maybe you are. We cannot really communicate but she does tell me what is going on. It is very hard for her - I know that she feels disloyal for telling me things, but she is good hearted and knows how much you mean to me. I do wonder how much longer she will keep me informed. We both know that really we should not talk to each other. She has chosen to remain with your dad as he will give you a good life. I think I could have given you that too, but it had to be her choice and I respect that. Even if you are not mine, I feel closer to you than any other child I have ever known. I suppose that this is the difficulty. I assume that you are mine because I want you to be. Obviously the best thing for you is that your dad is really your dad and not me, but I cannot really bring myself to want that. Sorry - I am selfish sometimes. I have been staring at your picture for the last twenty minutes trying to think of the words to describe how I feel. There are just too many words and I cannot structure a sentence, so I will just say some of them: love, joy, beauty, warmth, home, butterflies, hope. Hope as in my hope for your future. That you can be everything you want to be and more. I don't know what will happen, but I hope that you make the world a better place as I have always tried to in my life. Remember one person can always make a difference. Sorry been a bit rambling today. I am just emotional. I love you.