Heroes

My dear, Today is another bad day. I just cannot stop thinking about you and what I should do and now I suppose I am trying to sort myself out after a bit of self pity. As I see it I can do one of a few things. One, I can go to court to get access to you. Two, I can talk to your parents and ask them. Three I can just suffer in silence, but at least make things easy for your family. I do not want to go to court - it is not what anyone wants, but equally, I know that your parents do not want me in your life either. I do not want to be the villain in your life - and I have the feeling this will be how I will be painted if I try to see you. It is not your parents fault - remember, this was not what was planned, and especially given that your dad has taken a decision to stick by your mum. Most of the few people I have spoken to say that I should fight to see you. I want to so much, but do not want to risk your happiness. Or your mums. I just want to be with you always and I do not know how I could let you go at the end of a visit. I want to be your hero. There is a song by David Bowie called Heroes and I listen to it a lot because it reminds me of some of my situation. I relate it to your mum and me. "I could be King and you, you could be Queen, though nothing, nothing will drive them away, we could be heroes, just for one day". It sort of speaks to me, that we were trying to escape problems, but in the end we were heroes on the day that we created you. I relate a lot of my life to music, so I suppose you had better get used to it! I do feel better though now because I am talking to you. I just hope that one day I can do it for real. I love you.