more life and death

Hello my sweet. I went to my friend's dad's funeral yesterday so I could not write. It went as well as you could expect, but these are always solumn occasions. It brought more things into perspective for me too. I never really considered my mortality until you came into my life, but I now hope that I live long enough to see you at some point - even if it turns out I am not your biological father. I know that seems strange, but I am just so emotionally attached to you. I need to try and get out of the depressed fuzz I seem to be in at the moment. Everyone keeps asking how I am, and in truth I am, well, surviving. Sometimes people ask why am I here? In truth we are here to live, survive, create life and die. I appear to have achieved three out of four, and I have no interest in number 4! Death is of course inevitable, but there is no need to give into it easily. I do not believe in the afterlife, so I want to take my one shot at this life as best I can. This is why I am so keen for you to be everything you want to be, to push yourself - I tried and have succeeded in so much, but have not got everything I ever wanted - even if you exclude being part of your life. Most importantly if you can look in the mirror and say "I tried" and believe it, you will not go far wrong. I love you.