Quiet moments

Little one, I missed posting to you yesterday, I have been coming to terms with some of my other issues in my life. I am trying to make changes that my experience with you and your mother catalysed. I really want to have children and I want to be happy. I realise that this may mean that my wife and I may have to go our separate ways. I must admit this is not something that I really want, but I am struggling to see where to go from here without separating. I love her, I really do, but I suppose being with your mum opened my eyes anyway, and my unconditional love for you is greater in some ways than the love I have ever had for anyone. So can I change? Well that is the big question. I think that I can, but it is going to come at a cost - hurting the person I have spent 20 years of my life with. Is it worth it? Well some say yes. Well actually everyone I have spoken to says yes. But of course they have not been with someone for so long. I don't know. It is in these quiet moments that I think about this, you and your mother the most, and my doubts are at their greatest. No other child could ever replace you, but I am not trying to do that. I want a child because I want to live that life. And maybe you would have a half brother or sister to love. We shall have to see. Love always. x