The good of the majority

Morning Little One, I am really hoping that you are ok today. I am less and less happy as time goes on. I feel sad almost all the time and it is becoming increasingly difficult to think of anything but you. I do not know how I am going to be when you are born. I fight the urges to go into denial and to run away because it really will not solve anything. I cannot regret you, but sometimes I almost wish I had never met your mother. I know that is a contradiction. She made me so happy when we were together but now all she does is keep me from you. I wonder whether she thinks that it would help me deal with things. I doubt it - I suspect it will help her deal with things better. That is obviously important as it will make your life easier. I know that is the important thing but somehow I am unable to be happy about it. I suppose I am becoming more selfish, or perhaps more self absorbed. I really do not want this to happen as it is not my true character. I want everyone in this situation to be happy. I just do not think it is going to be possible, and sadly for me, the good of the majority is more important than the good of the one. So I suppose that is todays life lesson. Love always x