Big doubts.

Little one, I have a confession: I do not know what to say to you. As my relationship with your mother fades away, so I feel more and more detached from knowing about you. At first it was easy, I had been there and still in contact with your mum and had some hope to see you in the future. That hope is dying now even if my love is not. I am withdrawing my emotions again to protect myself. They call it denial and it is a very bad thing. The problem is that I hate myself for it because you are worth so much more than this. Maybe it is for the best that you and your mum and dad are together. What sort of father would I be? I do love you more than anything else. It just all seems so unfair on you and my guilt is overwhelming. I cannot understand how it has come to this. I suppose that it is the lack of hope that is the problem. You are my reason to be happy at the moment. I will try to carry on, but I am sorry. Love always x