Ivan Cameron

Darling Little One, Today I want to tell you about a severely disabled boy, born to the leader of a political party. Ivan Cameron had cerebral palsy and epilepsy and sadly died last night at the age of six. His parents obviously loved him and gave him the best life that they could. It is very sad that this happened and obviously my heart goes out to them. I have extensive experience of epilepsy as my wife suffers from a strong form of it. It is not life threatening in her case as she is medicated, but I have had to look after her many times when she has suffered fits. This is part of the reason why I feel for Ivan's parents. Of course as David Cameron is a public figure, it has been big news today, but the death of any child is so sad. I hope that you have the health that Ivan did not have, but at the same time I wish you the love that his parents had for him. Rather sombre today I'm afraid. I love you xxx

Educating minds

Darling little one, I have spent today preparing for my new job. I am promoting an education website for my employer. Part of this is being involved in the development of the website. I had to endure a three hour meeting where people who thought they were very important talked at the experts to tell them where they are going wrong. It is a sad day when people with very little knowledge lecture experts. I kept my mouth shut! I am an expert in several fields but information architecture is not one of them. The point of this is that listening to people and being humble enough to recognise where someone knows more than you do is a good thing. Sure, I have opinions and am good at spotting pitfalls in the front end, but I am not a techie so I let them tell me the best thing to do. I hope that whatever you do, you do not turn into one of those bores. I am sure you won't - you are going to be perfect! :) Love always xxx

Dreams again

Darling Little One, I never ceases to amaze me that I remember dreams about you. I never remember my dreams and it makes me so happy. You always seem to be a laughing toddler and I wonder if that will change as you get older. The only other dream that I had was of you being born. This obviously is not a premonition as I will not be there. But all the happiness you display makes me think that you are going to be a very happy child. That is the best thing that could happen. Hope that you are ok only another few weeks and you will be seeing the world for the first time. I am very excited! Love always xxxx

Biological Father vs Real Father

Darling little one, I have been thinking about this long and hard. As I think you realise, I do not and would not want ever to usurp your real dad as a father figure. What is more difficult is what right I have to be part of your life. I am seeking legal advice on this because I cannot get past the fact that I do want to be there for you. This is a very difficult decision for me, as it really goes against my ethics. Firstly you need to be with your mum. Secondly you deserve the best shot at happiness. Thirdly this is going to hurt everyone involved. But equally I believe that the truth is the most important thing in the world. I believe that it is your right to know your heritage and it is my duty to ensure that if you do have a wider family, that you have access to it. I have no idea how to address this problem. In a normal circumstance I would just talk to your mum about it, but of course that is not really possible - we have not communicated since November. I have no intention of making things difficult, but equally I do not know how to get round the problem. I would never try and demonstrate that your dad is anything but your primary care provider i.e. your dad, but at the same time if you are mine, you have a big family who will love you and be there for you. I wish I could ask you what you want. I love you. Otherwise I would not even consider this. Love always. xxx

Been a long time...

Darling Little One, I am sorry it has been a long time since I wrote to you. It is not always easy to write, and whilst I feel guilty about not writing, I have been thinking about you all the time. In fact thinking is all I ever do. I am getting to a bit of a quandry and am going to explain this to you. I want to see you. This is not going to make your mum or dad happy. I think I will know if I can see you and I suspect I am not going to get the paternity test that I want. This, of course, runs the risk of alienating your mum, but I just do not know what else to do. This is tearing me up inside and I need to sort myself out sooner or later. What I do not want is to be in doubt for the rest of my life, never knowing if there is some chance that you might turn up and say - 'Hey I'm your son'. I can deal with the doubt if I know the truth, or at least I can deal with it better. So this is what I have been thinking of. It was your mum's birthday the other day and I managed to resist sending her a card. I wanted to of course but I didn't. Goodness only knows what will happen when I want to send you cards and presents. Won't be allowed of course. This is not a good situation my darling, but at least you will be born and be the best thing in all our lives. Love always xx

Snow and bad news

Well, Little One, it looks like you have just missed having a major snowfall in the first few years of your life! London has been covered in the most snow for 18 years and it has caused chaos here. Funnily enough I rather enjoyed it. I built a snowman for you. It was fun, but obviously made me sad that we would not be doing that together. I did it because it let me think about you though. In other news I did not get the job which was pretty disappointing. I suppose I just feel down as things are not really going my way at the moment. I don't have you, I cannot have children at home, my career is stalling and so on. But I am trying to keep a smile on my face and make the most of what I do have. There is no point in moping and self pity is very unattractive. Really all I have to do is think of you and everything seems better. Love always xxx