Missed you

Darling Little One, I am finally back from being away. The hardest thing about it was not being able to write to you. I miss this contact, where I can share my thoughts and life with you. Obviously there is lots I do not talk about, not because I don't want to, but because this is about you and me. I have thought about you a lot and how much I want to be a father. I am now convinced that I will not be giving you a half brother or sister in my marriage. It saddens me greatly. I suppose the problem is that I have so much to give to a child and I really want to give a life to someone that is everything it can be. I apreciate that if I am your father, I have partly achieved that, but it is the life experience and love that I want to give. I am pushing 40 now and these dreams are just receding. It is a constant source of sorrow for me. I hope that you have an opportunity to have a family. I would urge you to take that oppportunity earlier rather than later like your mum did. If you find someone to have a child with, make sure early on that they understand that. And please understand that when you are young it often seems like an imposition to have children, but most of us change our minds when we get older. I mean this advice in the best possible way - you have to make your own decisions and live with the consequences. I am doing that now, but my regrets are great. I do not want you to suffer in the same way I am. I love you Little One. xxx